Dear Pieter van den Hoogenband,

For a 30-year-old, you’re not a bad swimmer.  But you lost the only event you were competing in.  You lost, Hoogie.  You lost.
You didn’t break my heart, though.  I thank you for that.
You do have the best name in the history of all names ever, so you win the gold medal in that.

I love you, Hoogie.  Always and forever.

Yours truly,
Hena

Dear Michael Phelps,

HOLY FUCKING SHIT you are the most insanely amazingly athletic person in the whole world.

I hope Disney makes a movie about you.  You are America’s pride and joy.  Thank you for existing and pwning everyone in sight.

Love,
Hena